Buzzabasket

You know that guy in your life who never seems lucky in love or in life, in general.  Certainly you have such a friend; it seems that all of us do.

The gift recommendation that I’m about to offer for him is a tad expensive, so be prepared.  I promise you, though, that you will that it is a very sound investment on your part.  Perhaps that nameless guy is your roommate, your cousin or even your own son who you can seem to get to move out of your house, even after you paid for four years of college.

Give the present of a nice romantic dinner with the person of his own choice–right there in his own home.  When you get right down to it, nothing impresses an unsuspecting date more than an intimate dinner that the host has prepared himself (with your encouragementand supervision, of course.  I really do have a particular friend in mind as I write this, and he needs all the help I can give him, and I’m sure your similar friend does, too.  Give him specific directions for this.  You know candles, subdued music, the whole thing.

Start with a gift of a gourmet cheese for the beginning course  Suggest that he consider serving the cheese with ripe apple slices or pear slices, but only if you trust him to handle a knife.  This course can actually be a nice appetizer, before they are actually seated at the dining table.

For the main course, present him with a gift certificate for a delicious lobster dinner or perhaps a surf and turf meal, if he is a beef fanatic.  Since this man needs so much help, you will want to be certain that the lobster is as fresh as possible.

End the evening (at least the part of the evening you’re helping with) with a delicious, gourmet turtle cheesecake.  Or, if he does not like chocolate, then select the more traditional New York cheesecake, decorated with a sprig of fresh mint.

If he drinks alcoholic beverages, do not trust him to choose the wine for the dinner.  Lobster is very hearty fare, so don’t be afraid to suggest he pair it with a bold wine such as a Merlot or even a Burgundy.

Once you’ve done your part in the affair, relax until you receive the engagement announcement.  If it doesn’t arrive within six months, just find another friend.  That will be much easier.

We all have a friend who is totally worthless in the kitchen.  Actually, if you don’t have a friend like that, read on, because I have enough friends who meet that description to share at least one of mine with you.

The gift suggestion that I’m about to make for him is a tad expensive.  I promise you, though, that you will that it is a very good investment on your part.  Perhaps that nameless person is your roommate, your cousin or even your own son who you can seem to get to move out of your house.

Give the gift of a nice romantic dinner with the person of his own choice–right there in his home.  When you get right down to it, nothing impresses an unsuspecting date more than an intimate dinner that the host has prepared himself (with your encouragement and careful guidance, of course.  Now, the friend I’m thinking of needs all the help he can get in this regard.  Give him specific directions for this.  You know candles, subdued music, the whole thing.

He can begin the evening with the first part of your present, a selection of gourmet cheeses for the beginning course  Suggest that he consider serving the cheese with ripe apple slices or pear slices, but only if you trust him to handle a knife.  This course can actually be a nice appetizer, before they are actually seated at the dining table.

For the main course, present him with a certificate for a delicious gourmet dinner of lobster a different seafood dinner or perhaps a combination of steak and lobster, sometimes known as surf and turf.  As noted, this guy needs plenty of help, so the fresher the lobster the better.

Tell him to cap off the evening with a magnificent, New York cheesecake or a turtle cheesecake, if he is a chocolate enthusiast for dessert.  Whichever cheesecake option you choose, tell him to spruce up the serving with a few fresh berries or a sprig of fresh mint.

You might also recommend a fine wine, if he consumes alcoholic beverages.  Lobster is very hearty fare, so don’t be afraid to suggest he pair it with a bold wine such as a Merlot or even a Burgundy.

Once you’ve done your part in the affair, relax until you receive the engagement announcement.  If it doesn’t arrive within six months, just find another friend.  That will be much easier.

Please stop besmirching the good name of my favorite gift category–food gifts.  Quit sending the boxes filled with processed cheese spreads that are mostly chemicals and the unidentifiable tubes labeled as some sort of sausage.  Quit giving away those fruit baskets that are cushioned with tissue paper in an ugly box that takes up all that space in my recycle bin.  I can find apples and pears that are just as good in my local super market.

Despite my heretical words, above, I love good food gifts.  I love giving them and receiving them.  But when I send a food gift, it is given with thought and is always high quality; please return the favor.  There is a difference, you know, between true quality and the convenience of buying from one of those ugly mall kiosks.  Food gifts deserve at least as much careful thought as that after-shave you bought your dad year after year in your childhood–oops, not a good example, perhaps.

Instead of that big brand name box of gelatinous cheese spreads from the mall, consider a selection of genuine artisan cheese from my home state of Wisconsin or wherever your favorite cheeses originate.  Let’s keep the goats and cows happily employed instead of just putting more chemicals in our food.  Speaking of myself, and I’ll bet you, too, I would much rather have a small amount of a real cheese instead of an overpriced huge box of the fake stuff.

A beautiful wine giftbasket

While I made fun of fruit gift baskets earlier, there actually are places where you can order a basket of gourmet fruit–the kinds of fruit that I can’t find in my own back yard.  This is a terrific gift for someone who is a fitness fanatic or anyone who appreciates the simple beauty that is fruit.

See?  If you give a little thought to a food gift, you can avoid the line at the mall kiosk and save the heavy fruitcakes and fake cheese boxes for other shoppers.  Join me at home some evening, shopping from the Internet.  Just remember that you’ll have to bring your own wine, but I’ll supply the real cheese.